So Long Maternity Leave

I was a mess of emotions but overall, I was shocked by how I handled it.

A little background. I was out of the office for about 12 weeks. However, I was worked part-time for the final 4 weeks. It was a great way to slowly come back and I recommend that system to everyone. Make sure to recruit help on busy days. I tried to do it all during my first week of part-time and it wasn’t great. Never be afraid to ask for help!   

Working part-time from home was amazing because I could nurse him and he was only a room away. My best friend was my Benji helper and I will always cherish those days the 3 of us spent together. But with all great things, it had to end.

I’m someone who struggles with anxiety and the thought of leaving Benji with strangers scared me to death. Also, I finally found my breastfeeding groove and I was worried about ruining it by introducing the bottle. So, as the days of my maternity leave began to disappear, I would lay in bed with my eyes wide open, stressing about the transition. My husband is and will always be the voice of reason when I stress out. I’m lucky he doesn’t say “I told you so!” every time something goes smoothly. I’m happy to say the transition to daycare WAS one of those times. 

The night before felt like the last day of summer vacation (even though maternity leave is literally the opposite of a vacation). I organized everything perfectly. Having things organized is KEY for handling my anxiety and it definitely helped in this situation. 

Everyone told me I would cry. I knew I would cry. I was prepared to cry. Did I cry? No. Does this make me a bad mom? No. 

The anticipation of going back is worse than actually doing it. I may not have cried but I am overly excited at the end of the day because I get to see my baby again. I know daycare is giving him things I can’t and he’s learning things I don’t know how to teach. And when I’m caring for him, he’s getting the best of me. I’m not distracted or bored or tired, I’m all there for him and that’s amazing.